In the end, it was her whispers, her fevered entreaties, that felled me. Her words were like honey from Satan’s apiary, calling me forward to the crumbly, icing-slick edge of the caloric abyss.
“Bacon,” she dripped sweetly.
I don’t hear her, I told myself. She’s not real. She’s just a Siren. Ignore her.
“Cinnamon. Mmmm…and melted butter,” she sang.
No. Stop it. Stop it now.
Please oh please oh please, I begged. No more…
“Wait!” She giggled impishly “Macadamias toasted in bacon fat!”
AHHHHHHHHH!!! STOP IT!!! I BANISH THEE!!! BEGONE FROM MY HEAD, PAULA DEEN, FOR THOU ART EVIL!!!!
But it was too late. I was already broken, powerless, a fallen man. Already on my way – ears sticky with Satan’s honey — to the kitchen…
Here’s how to make the Bacon Macadamia Cinnamon Rolls:
12 ounces bacon, cut into approx 1/2 inch pieces (a regular thin-cut bacon is better than thick-cut for this recipe)
1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
12.4 ounce package of refrigerated cinnamon roll dough
Cook the bacon pieces until quite crisp; remove them from the pan with a slotted spoon and drain them on paper towels. Add the macadamias to the pan and toast them briefly until they just start to color, about 1-2 minutes (be careful not to toast them too much or they’ll turn bitter.) Remove them from the pan and drain on paper towels. Mix the bacon and macadamias together.
Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (or whatever temperature the package directions recommend.) On a non-stick surface, carefully remove the cinnamon rolls from the package, keeping them in their original configuration. Unroll them together (side by side) on your work surface, top them with the bacon/macadamia mix (All of it, you ask? Yes, all of it. You can do it.), spread it out to the edges and press it firmly into place.
Now, working carefully and with the aid of a spreader or similar long flat tool, lift up the bottom edge of the cinnamon roll dough and re-roll it. Try to keep it as tight as possible.
Using a sharp knife, cut the cinnamon rolls apart and place them, sides touching, in a pie tin or similar baking pan that’s been coated with cooking spray. Bake for 12-16 minutes or until golden brown. Spread with softened butter and return to the oven for another minute or two. Remove and top with icing.
Serves 2-4 damned souls.
Please join us tomorrow to read October’s Free Cookbook of the Month feature, The Seduction Cookbook: Culinary Creations For Lovers.
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